fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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