For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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