Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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