You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt