who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"