after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.