Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing

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(702): i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing http://tfl.nu/wbpb

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(559): View more from California

my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.

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(559): my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment. http://tfl.nu/sp0b

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(909): View more from California

so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes

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(909): so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/5z0g

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(214): View more from Texas

didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.

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(214): didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping. http://tfl.nu/hx4w

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(308): View more from Nebraska

whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.

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(308): whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on. http://tfl.nu/zd9d

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(831): View more from California

I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"

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(831): I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency" http://tfl.nu/zhku

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(619): View more from California

Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.

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(619): Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me. http://tfl.nu/28u5

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(847): View more from Illinois

If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen

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(847): If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen http://tfl.nu/f9bs

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

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(724): About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/twc0

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(519): View more from Ontario

I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer

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(519): I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer http://tfl.nu/z4my

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(210): View more from Texas

i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on

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(210): i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on http://tfl.nu/7n7l

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.

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(541): Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high. http://tfl.nu/kh91

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(203): View more from Connecticut

He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way

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(203): He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way http://tfl.nu/eve3

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(586): View more from Michigan

So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.

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(586): So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER. http://tfl.nu/hlts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other

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(803): I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other http://tfl.nu/gz8l

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