sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
