Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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