I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
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Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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