I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
