Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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