Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
