he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
