She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize