Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He keeps bees of course he's weird
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
