Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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