I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
