you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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