i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
