He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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