Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
