Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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