he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
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