I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch