im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.