I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
false alarm. still invincible.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.