so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
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i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet