Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.