I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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