Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
