There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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