First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
