thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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