i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.