the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i dont even know how to be here
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.