I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven