i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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