I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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