Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
