Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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