i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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