I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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