I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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