i may or may not be watching the land before time
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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