They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
