don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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