He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
