so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
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We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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