The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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