Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
