From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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