so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize