I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
kristin has been a bad kristin
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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