That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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