Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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