I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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