remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
