People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize